Colds and Oreos

The whole house has been battling nasty colds since the weekend.  I have felt pretty crappy for several days.  Every morning when I wake up I expect to feel better, but I don't.  I didn't go to Weight Watchers this week.  I've not had much of an appetite either.....although I was feeling hungry just now and I ate 8 Halloween Oreo Cookies with a glass of milk. 

I'm not sure where my motivation for weight loss has gone, but it has totally left me.  Over the last several weeks, I just haven't cared.  I think there is something seriously wrong with me!  I mean, I'm all gung-ho for a month or so, and then I fizzle out.  My goal was to lose 30 lbs by Christmas!  At this rate, I'll be lucky if I can keep of what I've already lost.

I hate to blame my boredom on anybody except myself, but I have to tell you, I am just NOT CLICKING with this WW Leader.  I am going to see if I can change meeting days.  Monday was the best day based on everybody's schedules....but I just dread going.

If I were to be totally and brutally honest with you, I'd tell you that I saw my therapist today.  I haven't seen him since February!  I think I'm getting to the point of being overwhelmed again.  When I start feeling like that...I know what comes next....LOTS of eating.  Eating makes me feel better...it soothes me. So, I called Dr. R. last week and got an appointment for today.  It was good to see him and good to get some things off of my chest.

It's funny that when you actually put words to the thoughts you've been thinking...when you share it with someone else....those thoughts seem a lot more benign and meaningless that when you had them all hyped up in your head.

Still, I grabbed 8 Oreos....instead of a banana.  Will I ever get to the point where I don't look for food to cure what ails me?

Phew!

Just got back from my weigh in....I lost 1.8 lbs!  That was CLOSE!  This has really helped with my motivation.  Tonight at the meeting, WW introduced us to the "Dr. Oz Challenge".  Now, I have never watched an episode of Dr. Oz, but apparently he is partnering with Weight Watchers for a $1,000,000 give away and a healthier lifestyle.  It's called the Dr. Oz Million Dollar You!  You can find out the details HERE!

I went ahead and signed up because I have nothing to lose....but weight!  Join with me......please! 

Until next week!

A Little Late!

I'm finally posting about my weigh in from LAST WEEK!  Here's the good news......I didn't gain any weight!!!  Here's the bad news.....I didn't lose any weight!  Yep!  I stayed exactly the same....282.8.
I'm still hanging on...not totally on program but not exactly off the wagon either.  It's a strange place I'm in right now.  The stress that I'm feeling is beyond what I've had to deal with in a long time.   To an over eater like me, stress is a bad word.  Stress it what fuels my appetite.  I'm not sure why, but eating makes me feel better.  I feel safe and happy.  I feel in control.  It's a sick circle.

In other news, I did the Heart Walk yesterday!  It was a lot of fun.  Dan and the kids came with me.  Our plan was for all of us to walk the 5K, however, after walking about 2 blocks, the girls were already complaining.  It was HOT.  Probably close to 90 degrees and there wasn't a cloud in the sky!  Most of the course was in the sun.  It was brutal.  Dan and the girls turned around and went back to Metro park and sat in the shade.  Nathan stayed with me.  I wish someone would tell me why they plan a walk, supporting the American Heart Association during the hottest month of the year!  Why don't they plan if for.....say....February? 

I'm told there were at least 15,000 walkers and I believe we raised about $1,000,000!  I want to thank my mother-in-law, and my friends Cindy B and Kathy D for their generous donations and support.
There were about 500 Baptist Hospital Employees that participated.  We took a group picture before the walk started.  I will share that picture as soon as I can!

Well, I have another weigh in tomorrow!  The only thing that might save me from another mediocre week....is the walk yesterday.  Let's hope that those 3 miles and tons of water helped me.

See you next week!

8 lbs!

That's how much I gained in the three weeks I've not been to Weight Watchers!  Can you believe it!  It's sad really.  I have only myself to blame.  I really didn't think it would be that much, though.  It goes to show that habits are hard to break.  Now, in my defense, I weighed in after I had been sitting outside in 100 degree heat with about 95% humidity for over an hour watching Amelia at soccer practice.  My ankles were swollen about double their normal size.   I didn't have time to sit down and put my feet up once I got home.  I had to make dinner and then go to the meeting.  Even my fingers were swollen!  I could not have removed my wedding ring if I tried!

Since Amelia's soccer practices are on Mondays, I've made an arrangement with her coach that I drop her off at 3pm...and then pick her up at 4:15pm.  That way, my weigh in at 5:30pm will be much more accurate because I won't be sitting outside in the sweltering heat...blowing up like a balloon.  Originally, my plan was to do a one hour power walk around the soccer field during their practices to get my activity points.  However,  I now see that doing that on a weigh in day is not a good idea.

Anyway, I'm back to it. This is going to be a long haul.  This is going to be my life.  There will be times when I will fall off the wagon and gain some back.  I just have to remain positive and not get discouraged.  I am not perfect and my weight loss journey will not be without hiccups.    I have GOT to find something else to deal with stress other than food.  This is my new goal...to do something else when all I really want to do is to eat!  I have never understood why food is so soothing or why it is that when I am feeling stressed, all I can think about is what my next meal will be. 

I'd like to be able to turn my desire for food into a desire for prayer.  Instead of stuffing my face, I'd like to be able to stop what I'm doing...think...and then pray.  Perhaps  I can make some changes this week.  Who knows!  Anything is possible.

I didn't go....

I didn't go to Weight Watchers last night.  Although I didn't feel great yesterday because of some intestinal issues, this wasn't the reason I decided against going.  The reason is simple...I just didn't want the disappointment of a gain because of my "falling off the wagon" last week.

If I were to be truthful (and....I AM), I think the reason for the intestinal issues was because I went off of the program for several days.  It's funny how I had really started to feel good....no upset tummy, no intestinal problems, no headaches!  Everything was getting better!  I had more energy and I was just feeling good overall! 

Leave it to me to ruin a good thing.

However, you'll be happy to know that I'm back on the wagon and I WILL go to my weigh in this coming Monday!  No matter what the scale says...I WILL submit to it!  My personal goal was to lose 10% by Christmas.  I think that was a reasonable goal....one that was (is) attainable. 

Someday, when I reach my goal of losing 100 lbs, I want to look back on this post as a learning experience.  I want to look at it as a bump in the road, one that didn't stop me from getting where I need to be.

Here's to a better week....ON PROGRAM!!

The Binge

I had a great Weight Watcher week!  I lost 3 lbs!  That makes a grand total of 20.6 lbs!  I have calculated that when I started on July 18th, my BMI was 44.9 (morbidly obese)!  After 5 weeks, my BMI is now 41.8!  This is still at the morbidly obese level, but it's going in the right direction!

Even with all that loss, I still have moments of weakness.  I'm tired right now.  It's been a rough week when you consider that twice a day I'm having to navigate the care lines at school.....I have to help 3 kids with their homework....I have to go through 3 backpacks filled with important papers that require me to either sign, fill out or volunteer....I have to clean out (and I do mean CLEAN) 3 lunch boxes....make sure uniforms are clean and free from stains every morning......comb 2 heads of hair....not to mention getting myself ready for work!  Then there's dinner and laundry and MD appointments and it goes on and on and on!  Really, I'm no different than any other working mother!  We all have a ton to do and not very much time to do it in.  However, when I get stressed like this, I eat and that's the way it's been all of my life.  Eating soothes me.  I feel better....safer...and happy.  When the world is heavy, the first thing I do is begin to think about what I could have to eat that will make it all better.  In a word....I binge.

I know this is not how I should be dealing with stress.  I'm supposed to be looking for other ways to cope.  Over the last 5 weeks, I've coped pretty well by keeping busy, calling a friend, going for a walk or getting in the car and hitting the magazine rack at the drugstore.   All of those things have kept me from stuffing my face to make me feel better.  This week, I wasn't able to resist.  A fact is a fact and I'm not going to hide from it.  I'm facing it head on.....by sharing it with you!

This week (after my Monday night weigh in) I didn't do so well dealing with the stress.  I stopped at Quizno's on my way home from WW.  Then, Tuesday morning I had a bagel with cream cheese and 2 slices of bacon for breakfast.  I haven't had a bagel in over 5 weeks!  Boy was it good.  Satisfying.

Last night I made a scrumptious pasta bake....with Italian sausage, mozzarella cheese, Parmesan cheese, pepperoni and I had two helpings!  Tonight, we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut and I only had two pieces of pizza, but, I think I ate 4 cinnamon sticks!  I've also had diet coke twice this week!  I've been limiting soda to once a week!  Sigh.

Part of me is a little ticked at WW because of the electronic messages they keep sending me after each weigh-in telling me that I'm losing too fast!  It's almost as though I'm eating more...on purpose so I can say to WW...."I'll show you I'm not losing too fast"!

Well, anyway, I stepped on the scale tonight and it said 280.  My scale is at least two pounds heavier than the Weight Watcher scale so that would make me about 278.  If I factor in that I weighed myself about two minutes after I swallowed my last mouthful of pizza....I think I might have only gained about 2 lbs.  Let's hope I haven't totally blown it though.  I'm OK with a small set back but I don't want to sabotage myself.

I'm back on program tomorrow!  I know I will have more of these days in my future...it's just the way things are.  Hopefully I will get better and better at dealing with these situations and not turn to food for comfort.  I think, I will challenge myself to say a Hail Mary every time my desire to binge crops up.  If it lasts longer than one Hail Mary, then I'll say two.  Who knows, I may end up saying an entire Rosary.....but I will have beat the urge to binge!

Thanks for listening!

Question

I had something weird happen after I logged my stats on the WW website last week.  I got a notice from the site administrators that I'm losing weight too fast and that it could be very dangerous for my heart to continue to loss weight at my current rate.  Now, I agree that it is probably not safe to lose weight too quickly....but are they not aware that I was almost 300 lbs???  I could see being concerned if I only had 25 or 30 lbs to lose...but I have over 100 lbs to lose!

I'm not doing anything unhealthy.  I'm following the plan exactly like they want you to.  I'm eating my fruits and vegetables, my good fats, whole grains and drinking my water.  About the only thing I have a hard time doing is getting in my milk.  I'm just not a milk drinker and unless I eat yogurt or cheese....I more than likely don't get those servings in.

After this little "announcement" from WW, I'm somewhat worried.  I don't want to finally start losing weight and then suddenly have a heart attack.  But at the same time....my GOAL is to lose weight!  The bottom line is that obviously, I'm burning more calories than I'm taking in.  For anyone who is overweight....this is a GOOD thing!  Now, I'm second guessing myself.

Should I contact Weight Watchers about this...or should I call my doctor?  Or, should I just forget it and continue doing what I'm doing?  Why?  Why do they do this to me when I'm finally making some progress?  It seems that even Weight Watchers is trying to sabotage me!  Who'd a thunk it?

Moving right along!

I had a good week!  I lost 3.2 lbs!  That put me over the 15 lb mark!  Actually, that's 17.6 total!  I am thrilled!  I worried all week, even to the point of breaking my own rule of stepping on the scale at home.  It's funny how my body works.  Last week, I was meticulous at journaling everything and eating on plan everyday....and I only lost 1.6 lbs.  However, this week, I lost twice that, even though I chowed down on some deep fried oreos at the local farmer's market!  Let me tell you, those suckers were worth EVERY BIT of the 12 points they cost me!  You have GOT to try them!  This particular vendor also deep fries Twinkies (ew) and Snickers Bars!  Don't freak out....I just stuck to the deep fried oreos covered in powdered sugar!  The way I figure it, you have to eat the things you like crave need like some of the time!

In other news, I have not kept up my commitment to walk 30 minutes, 3 times per week.  I'm finding it way too hot to be outside for very long.  In addition, school has started which means that my work schedule has changed.  I now work 4 days a week and so there is just less time.  However, I have just recently been introduced to Just Dance for the Wii!  Have you ever done this?  If you haven't (and you have a Wii), you really need to try this!  It is fun and it's exercise!  I really work up a sweat when we play!  This is my new favorite activity!  This I can do in my nice air-conditioned home!

That's it for this week!  Here's hoping I can break 20 lbs next week!



Snag!

It hit a small bump in the road today.  I went to Quizno's for dinner.  It was a spur of the moment thing.  I had to run to Staples to get something laminated and it's just right next door.  It was almost 6pm and I hadn't eaten yet.  I ordered a "Classic Club" on whole wheat.  It had lots of tomatoes and lettuce....but I also had MAYO!  From what I have been able to gather...that sucker was worth about 10 points!  Not as much as I thought!  I also had a bag of Baked Lays.  Plus, I had a couple of bites of Amelia's sandwich that she didn't finish.  Still, it looks like I have about 9 points left for the day!

I feel so guilty....almost like I've done something naughty.  I've been so careful about eating only healthy things.  This was definitely not the healthiest meal.  Still, I logged it and I've fessed up!

The weight is not coming off as fast as I'd like.  I broke my own vow and stepped on my bathroom scale today.  There is about 2 lbs difference between what I weigh at Weight Watchers and what I weigh at home.  I would feel such relief if I could break through into the 270's.  I'm teetering right on the edge.  The scale is taunting me.  I want it so bad...I can' taste it!  And then, I went and had QUIZNO's tonight!  What a dummy!

I will stick to fruits, vegetables and protein over the weekend.  Hopefully this will help me get to my goal on Monday.  Once I hit 279 or lower, I will make my next goal the 260's!  This way, I'm only focusing on 10 lbs at a time.  I never thought I'd be looking forward to 279!

Bittersweet!

I once lost 52 pounds with Weight Watchers!  This was about 6 years ago.  I remember that I weighed 252 lbs at the time and I got down to 200!  Part of this was because of the wonderful Weight Watcher's leader...Karen.  She was awesome!  For one thing, she was a Catholic!  I knew this because one night at a meeting, she brought a calendar as a prop for her lecture.  Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was a liturgical calendar.  After the meeting, she and I chatted and she shared they she and her family attended a parish several miles away.  She truly was instrumental in my weight loss.  Karen was strong and sensitive.  She was kind and firm.  She was understanding and refreshing.  She always smiled and always remembered my name.  She cheered me on when I had successes and encouraged me when I didn't do so well.  A very special lady.  She retired a few years ago...after 25 years with Weight Watchers!

I don't have that same connection with my current leader.  Right now, I don't have much choice as to what meeting I attend so I'm somewhat stuck.  Angela is a very sweet person, but we just don't click.  She is an elementary school teacher and, in some ways, she treats us like we are children.  The inflection in her voice is that of someone talking to a 5 year old.  Extremely irritating.

Anyway, I decided to see if I could find my old leader, Karen, on Facebook.  I figured, if nothing else, we could chat online or email back and forth.  For the life of me, I could not remember how to spell her last name.  So, I went to a favorite search engine (www.intelius.com) and plugged in her name. 
After some other searching, her obituary came up.  I was stunned.  Karen died suddenly about two weeks ago!  I can't believe it!  I'm so sad.

This is Karen's obituary.

That was the "bitter".  Here is the "sweet"....I lost 1.6 lbs this week!  That brings me to a total of 14.4 lbs!  I was slightly discouraged that it wasn't more, but I have to remember that Weight Watchers states the AVERAGE weight loss should be .5 to 2 lbs per week.  As long as it's not a gain, I'm good!

I didn't meet my commitment of walking for 30 minutes 3 days this week...but I did manage to walk one day for 30 minutes and then on Saturday, I did some vigorous house cleaning!  I mean, I ran around this house like a crazy woman changing sheets, folding laundry, cleaning out drawers and closets!  I still sit on my rear end a little too much, but I am getting better.

I've decided to start out this week with new energy and a new purpose!  I'm going to dedicate this blog and my weight loss journey to Karen's memory!  Because of Karen, I am more determined than ever to make it to Lifetime.  It may take me a few years....but I'm going to do it!

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace.  Amen.

Success!

My weigh-in stickers!

Well, I did it!  I lost another 3.2 lbs!  That makes 12.8 total!  I'm so happy!

Getting used to this Weight Watcher routine again has been a challenge, but, I did it!  I have been faithful to following the plan!   The only "slight" slip I had was Friday night.  Dan and I went out  (something we rarely do) for dinner.  We ended up at a Thai place not far from our house.  I did NOT log that meal, mostly because by the time I got home, I couldn't remember what the name of the dish was.  I know it involved chicken, rice and lots of coconut milk.  I was nervous that having that one meal would put me over the edge.

I remember my 8th grade teacher, Sister Madeline Carey, used to say..."You're going to get out of something what you're willing to put into it"!  This is so true!  I have been making a true effort everyday!  I'm trying to make healthier choices and I'm remembering to log everything I put into my mouth!  As a matter of fact, on Sunday I made some macaroni salad (with real Mayo).  I wanted some so bad but when I looked it up, it was 9 points for 3/4 of a cup!  No way was I going to waste 9 points on that. So, instead I just had a spoonful.  I counted that spoonful as 2 points...and moved on.  That was a victory for me!

Now that I have two weeks of weight loss under my belt, it's time to start thinking about the unthinkable....exercise!  I hate it, but I need to start figuring it in.  My friend Therese has been a true inspiration to me!  She is awesome!  Because of her, I've signed up to do the American Heart Association 5k coming up in September!  If you feel so inclined to sponsor me, please do, the link is on my sidebar.

My goal for this week is to walk for 30 minutes at least 3 times per week.  I'm not sure how this is going to play out as the weather is very hot and humid these days.  Hopefully, I can get my butt in gear either in the morning or in the early evening.  I will have to walk fast in order to out run the mosquitoes that hang out around my house!  I will keep you updated on my progress!

Thank you all for your support and encouragement, it's what keeps me going!

With each 5lb loss you get a sticker!

Not such a good idea!

I would just like to mention here, for the record, that watching "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" on the Food Network is probably NOT the best show to be watching when one is on Weight Watchers!  Just sayin'!

Struggles

I'm struggling today.  Losing weight takes so much effort and to be honest, I'm feeling a little resentful about it!  It takes a lot of time to plan out your eating for the day...calculate points, write everything down.

Keeping a food log is essential on the Weight Watcher program.  I try to follow the rules exactly in hopes that this will lead to success.  It is very tedious.  Especially since what I'd really like to do, is just eat and forget it!

I had 28 points left after lunch.  I made burgers (no buns), mac & cheese and fresh green beans  for dinner.  I had to weigh my turkey burgers and then I had to calculate the points for the mac & cheese.  The nutritional information on the box is for the DRY MIX!  Now, I don't know about you, but I don't eat mac & cheese right out of the box.  I like to cook mine first!  You have to add milk and butter (or margarine).  So, I spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out how many points one half of a cup of mac & cheese was with 1% milk and real butter!  By the time I measured out my portion and calculated out the points.....I didn't even want to eat it! 

After eating 2 turkey burgers (I was hungry!), the 1/2 cup of mac & cheese and a healthy portion of fresh steamed green beans mixed with olive oil and balsamic vinegar....I had 3 points left!  That was a 25 point dinner and it wasn't even worth it!

This is why I really wanted to do a "pre packaged" diet like Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem.  Because of all the preparation (planning,weighing and measuring and journaling), it makes me feel as though I'm thinking about food ALL DAY LONG!  And you know what...I am!

I've learned from my previous stints with Weight Watchers, that as time goes on I won't need to "think" so much as it will become more of a habit than a chore.  But right now, all I know is that I'm thinking about food way more than I want to.  I'm tired of thinking about food when I get up....when I get to work....when my stomach is making those weird sounds, when I get home....blah, blah, blah.

I'd like to eat like a normal person....just for awhile, to see what it's like.

Ok, I'm stunned!

I lost a total of 9.6 lbs this week!  Can you believe it?  Obviously, much of that weightloss was water, but I'll take it!  I'm thrilled with those numbers and it will definitely keep me motivated to continue!  I appreciate all your prayers and words of encouragement! 

I'm too tired to write much more tonight...we just got back from an over night trip to Kingsley Lake which means I'm exhausted and sunburned!  To be honest, I was quite free with my eating today but I still didn't reach my point allowance.  It's really important that I use all my points so I'm going to have to get better about planning.

Anyway, more good info coming up this week!

The New Plan

I'm trying to decide if Weight Watcher's decision to completely change the way you count points was a nutritional decision or a financial decision.  At this point, I'm guessing it was financial.  Thousands and thousands of people had all the materials they needed to count points and "do" Weight Watchers on their own and therefore, no longer having a need to become a member or go to the meetings.  Now that they've changed things up, everyone has to purchase all new materials and therefore increasing their revenue by a ton!

Previously, the point system was based on three things....calories, fat and fiber.  Typically, the higher the fiber content meant the points would be lower.  WW provided you with a cardboard "slide" that calculated the points based on the nutritional value of the food item.  Now, it's totally different.  The Points Plus program is  calculated using fat, carbs, fiber and protein.  This means that you can't use the slide anymore.  Instead, they encourage you to purchase a points calculator or use their e-tools that they provide on their website.   In addition, all of the points books, dining out companion and restaurant guides are now obsolete. 

I'm still trying to get used to this new system.  For instance, before the change, pretty much every food item had a point value.  Now, most fruits and vegetables are ZERO points!  I'm used to a large banana being 3 points...now it's no points.  This is playing with my mind!  I always thought that most fruit had a very high sugar content and while it's healthy to eat several servings a day, I assumed you shouldn't go hog wild because it can cause your pancreas to do flips! 

I'm not feeling deprived at all.  I get a total of 43 points per day and I can earn more points if I exercise.  I'm also allowed an additional 49 points for the entire week (basically 7 extra points each day)!  I could eat all of those extra points in one day or spread them out.  Either way, it seems like A LOT of points to me.

So far this week I have logged every single thing I've put in my mouth, including a McDonald's lunch on Tuesday and a slice of Sbarro's pizza tonight!  I've stayed within my point allowance each day!  I've poured tons of water down my throat and have begun to really limit the amount of diet coke I ingest.  Tonight, we took the kids to the mall (it's so hot here!) and played indoor miniature golf!  Then we walked to JC Penney's, Sears and Dillard's looking for school shoes for the kids.  We were unsuccessful with the shoes, but I managed to get some exercise in walking at a pretty brisk pace for at least 30 minutes.  If you want to know the truth, I feel pretty good.  I haven't had to use my inhaler for about 36 hours and I haven't coughed as much.  I think it's because I'm keeping myself better hydrated...and I'm moving more.

These are very small baby steps, but I'll take what I can get!  I'm actually looking forward to weigh-in on Monday night.  Who's with me?

First Meeting

Well, I made it to my first Weight Watcher meeting last night.  The sign up process was quick for a couple of reasons...first, I'm already in their computer from all the other attempts I've made and second, I already signed up for the Monthly Pass online.  It all went smoothly.

It seems like a good group of people.  I'm not sure about the leader yet.  I can't really tell if English is her first language or not.  There seems to be a slight accent there.  She kept pronouncing the word "essentials" as "essentuals".  For whatever reason, that struck me as funny.  She knows her stuff though and seems to be a good motivator.

The weigh in went OK.  That's always the hardest part for me.  When I step on the scale, I'm forced to face all of my emotional food demons.  I'm forced to realize that this is a very serious situation and if I don't do something now, I will die.

So, now is the time to share with the world what I'm fighting against.  Here is the particulars:

Height:  5'8
Weight:  294.5
Dress Size:  24
Shirt Size:  3X
Pants Size:  24

There it is.  All of it.  That's everything I've been hiding for all of these years.  Now everyone knows that I can't shop in a regular store.  Now everyone will know that I couldn't ride the Harry Potter ride a few weeks ago when our family went to Universal.  I was too fat.  Now, everyone will know that on two of the four flights that I took in May to go to Rome, I had to use a seat belt extension.  Now...everybody knows.
This is humiliating.  But I HAD to share this.

I know that I'll never be thin.  I just want to be at a place where I can buy clothes in a normal store.  I want to be able to fly and ride amusement park rides without the worry of being turned away.  I want to be able to walk around in public and not have strangers notice me because of my weight.  I don't want my kids to be teased because of me.  I just want food to stop being an obsession.

I think it's also important to share some photos of me.  These first couple of pictures are of me in my early adulthood.  I wanted you to be able to see that there is a thinner person within me and that I used to look normal......

This is me at about 18 years old.  I had NO stomach and look at those small arms.

This was me at about 19 or 20 at a friends wedding.  Although the stripes don't do me any justice...I had a very small waist....and only one chin.

This is me in the late 80's.  Still looking pretty slender and still only one chin.  This is where my emotional eating began.

This, of course, is my high school graduation picture.

This is my wedding picture...1997.

September 2001, my son was a year old.  Getting bigger.....

2005, after my second child was a year old.

Easter 2006

Going through chemo, 2008

January 2009 at Walt Disney World with Nathan (still no hair).

December 2009

February 2010...always hiding behind someone

Great Smokey Mountains, August 2010

January 2011, Universal

This is me and my best friend Becky on our way to Rome, May 2011

So there you have it.  This is me.  This is me at almost 300 pounds.  How did I ever get to this place?

My goal is to reach 200 lbs....that means I need to lose almost 96 pounds.  It almost sounds impossible.  But I'm going to stick with it and see where this goes.

I'm going to do my best NOT to weight myself at home.  Curiosity will probably kill me, but I'm really going to resist the need to weight everyday.  I will post my weight loss (or gain) every week.  I won't bore you with my menu plans or points for the day, except if I find a really good recipe I think is worth sharing.  I will share my struggles and successes as well as thoughts about the Weight Watcher program.  I will also post a picture of me monthly!  Let's hope each month, you will see less and less of me.

Thank you for your support!

A Decision

Well, I've been mulling my options over now for several weeks.  I even sent a letter to the various CEO's of Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and Medifast asking if there were any "scholarships" available.  They blew me off...at least in the sense that they didn't even give me the courtesy of a response.  So I guess, that means NO!  I figured as much.

In light of all of that, I guess it's Weight Watchers again!  Sigh.  Let's see, this has to be at least the 7th or 8th time that I've officially done WW.  We're old friends.  This was not my first choice this time, never the less, Weight Watchers it will be.

Tomorrow, being a Monday, will be my start date.  I'm actually going to join and attend the meetings.  I guess they have this new Points Plus system and so I'll need to get all the details about it.  The old system worked fine for me before, but I'm told that this new way is better and more healthy.  We shall see.

Once I get my official weigh in numbers, I will share them here with you all.  I will also share a "before" picture.  This is new for me.  I've never posted a current picture of me in any of my blogs...or even Facebook for that matter.  However, it's time that I get real with myself...and with the world.

So, tomorrow it is.  See you then.

Again

This web journal will not be pretty.  This won't be a fluffy, feel good place.  Nope.  This is going to be the place where I pour it all out!  And I mean ALL!  I won't be withholding anything here.  I can't.  I finally have to have a place where the truth of all the "weighty issues" in my life, can live.

The Bible says that "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32).  It has to because I am literally at the end of my rope.  I am GOING TO DIE if I do not lose weight and exercise.  I do not have time for this!  I need to lose 100 lbs....yesterday!

I realize that this blog will not be a judgement free zone.  Anybody can read this and anyone can comment.  This leaves me extremely vulnerable, but that's OK.  Without hiding behind my pride, there really is no need to worry about being judged.  There is no one out there that knows my story...at least not all of it.  There is no one who has walked in my shoes.  Good thing too....I have smelly feet!

In the coming day (or two), I will fill you in on all the important details and what my plans are.  Until then, Hurry Up and Weight!