The Binge

I had a great Weight Watcher week!  I lost 3 lbs!  That makes a grand total of 20.6 lbs!  I have calculated that when I started on July 18th, my BMI was 44.9 (morbidly obese)!  After 5 weeks, my BMI is now 41.8!  This is still at the morbidly obese level, but it's going in the right direction!

Even with all that loss, I still have moments of weakness.  I'm tired right now.  It's been a rough week when you consider that twice a day I'm having to navigate the care lines at school.....I have to help 3 kids with their homework....I have to go through 3 backpacks filled with important papers that require me to either sign, fill out or volunteer....I have to clean out (and I do mean CLEAN) 3 lunch boxes....make sure uniforms are clean and free from stains every morning......comb 2 heads of hair....not to mention getting myself ready for work!  Then there's dinner and laundry and MD appointments and it goes on and on and on!  Really, I'm no different than any other working mother!  We all have a ton to do and not very much time to do it in.  However, when I get stressed like this, I eat and that's the way it's been all of my life.  Eating soothes me.  I feel better....safer...and happy.  When the world is heavy, the first thing I do is begin to think about what I could have to eat that will make it all better.  In a word....I binge.

I know this is not how I should be dealing with stress.  I'm supposed to be looking for other ways to cope.  Over the last 5 weeks, I've coped pretty well by keeping busy, calling a friend, going for a walk or getting in the car and hitting the magazine rack at the drugstore.   All of those things have kept me from stuffing my face to make me feel better.  This week, I wasn't able to resist.  A fact is a fact and I'm not going to hide from it.  I'm facing it head on.....by sharing it with you!

This week (after my Monday night weigh in) I didn't do so well dealing with the stress.  I stopped at Quizno's on my way home from WW.  Then, Tuesday morning I had a bagel with cream cheese and 2 slices of bacon for breakfast.  I haven't had a bagel in over 5 weeks!  Boy was it good.  Satisfying.

Last night I made a scrumptious pasta bake....with Italian sausage, mozzarella cheese, Parmesan cheese, pepperoni and I had two helpings!  Tonight, we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut and I only had two pieces of pizza, but, I think I ate 4 cinnamon sticks!  I've also had diet coke twice this week!  I've been limiting soda to once a week!  Sigh.

Part of me is a little ticked at WW because of the electronic messages they keep sending me after each weigh-in telling me that I'm losing too fast!  It's almost as though I'm eating more...on purpose so I can say to WW...."I'll show you I'm not losing too fast"!

Well, anyway, I stepped on the scale tonight and it said 280.  My scale is at least two pounds heavier than the Weight Watcher scale so that would make me about 278.  If I factor in that I weighed myself about two minutes after I swallowed my last mouthful of pizza....I think I might have only gained about 2 lbs.  Let's hope I haven't totally blown it though.  I'm OK with a small set back but I don't want to sabotage myself.

I'm back on program tomorrow!  I know I will have more of these days in my future...it's just the way things are.  Hopefully I will get better and better at dealing with these situations and not turn to food for comfort.  I think, I will challenge myself to say a Hail Mary every time my desire to binge crops up.  If it lasts longer than one Hail Mary, then I'll say two.  Who knows, I may end up saying an entire Rosary.....but I will have beat the urge to binge!

Thanks for listening!