I didn't go....

I didn't go to Weight Watchers last night.  Although I didn't feel great yesterday because of some intestinal issues, this wasn't the reason I decided against going.  The reason is simple...I just didn't want the disappointment of a gain because of my "falling off the wagon" last week.

If I were to be truthful (and....I AM), I think the reason for the intestinal issues was because I went off of the program for several days.  It's funny how I had really started to feel good....no upset tummy, no intestinal problems, no headaches!  Everything was getting better!  I had more energy and I was just feeling good overall! 

Leave it to me to ruin a good thing.

However, you'll be happy to know that I'm back on the wagon and I WILL go to my weigh in this coming Monday!  No matter what the scale says...I WILL submit to it!  My personal goal was to lose 10% by Christmas.  I think that was a reasonable goal....one that was (is) attainable. 

Someday, when I reach my goal of losing 100 lbs, I want to look back on this post as a learning experience.  I want to look at it as a bump in the road, one that didn't stop me from getting where I need to be.

Here's to a better week....ON PROGRAM!!

The Binge

I had a great Weight Watcher week!  I lost 3 lbs!  That makes a grand total of 20.6 lbs!  I have calculated that when I started on July 18th, my BMI was 44.9 (morbidly obese)!  After 5 weeks, my BMI is now 41.8!  This is still at the morbidly obese level, but it's going in the right direction!

Even with all that loss, I still have moments of weakness.  I'm tired right now.  It's been a rough week when you consider that twice a day I'm having to navigate the care lines at school.....I have to help 3 kids with their homework....I have to go through 3 backpacks filled with important papers that require me to either sign, fill out or volunteer....I have to clean out (and I do mean CLEAN) 3 lunch boxes....make sure uniforms are clean and free from stains every morning......comb 2 heads of hair....not to mention getting myself ready for work!  Then there's dinner and laundry and MD appointments and it goes on and on and on!  Really, I'm no different than any other working mother!  We all have a ton to do and not very much time to do it in.  However, when I get stressed like this, I eat and that's the way it's been all of my life.  Eating soothes me.  I feel better....safer...and happy.  When the world is heavy, the first thing I do is begin to think about what I could have to eat that will make it all better.  In a word....I binge.

I know this is not how I should be dealing with stress.  I'm supposed to be looking for other ways to cope.  Over the last 5 weeks, I've coped pretty well by keeping busy, calling a friend, going for a walk or getting in the car and hitting the magazine rack at the drugstore.   All of those things have kept me from stuffing my face to make me feel better.  This week, I wasn't able to resist.  A fact is a fact and I'm not going to hide from it.  I'm facing it head on.....by sharing it with you!

This week (after my Monday night weigh in) I didn't do so well dealing with the stress.  I stopped at Quizno's on my way home from WW.  Then, Tuesday morning I had a bagel with cream cheese and 2 slices of bacon for breakfast.  I haven't had a bagel in over 5 weeks!  Boy was it good.  Satisfying.

Last night I made a scrumptious pasta bake....with Italian sausage, mozzarella cheese, Parmesan cheese, pepperoni and I had two helpings!  Tonight, we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut and I only had two pieces of pizza, but, I think I ate 4 cinnamon sticks!  I've also had diet coke twice this week!  I've been limiting soda to once a week!  Sigh.

Part of me is a little ticked at WW because of the electronic messages they keep sending me after each weigh-in telling me that I'm losing too fast!  It's almost as though I'm eating more...on purpose so I can say to WW...."I'll show you I'm not losing too fast"!

Well, anyway, I stepped on the scale tonight and it said 280.  My scale is at least two pounds heavier than the Weight Watcher scale so that would make me about 278.  If I factor in that I weighed myself about two minutes after I swallowed my last mouthful of pizza....I think I might have only gained about 2 lbs.  Let's hope I haven't totally blown it though.  I'm OK with a small set back but I don't want to sabotage myself.

I'm back on program tomorrow!  I know I will have more of these days in my future...it's just the way things are.  Hopefully I will get better and better at dealing with these situations and not turn to food for comfort.  I think, I will challenge myself to say a Hail Mary every time my desire to binge crops up.  If it lasts longer than one Hail Mary, then I'll say two.  Who knows, I may end up saying an entire Rosary.....but I will have beat the urge to binge!

Thanks for listening!

Question

I had something weird happen after I logged my stats on the WW website last week.  I got a notice from the site administrators that I'm losing weight too fast and that it could be very dangerous for my heart to continue to loss weight at my current rate.  Now, I agree that it is probably not safe to lose weight too quickly....but are they not aware that I was almost 300 lbs???  I could see being concerned if I only had 25 or 30 lbs to lose...but I have over 100 lbs to lose!

I'm not doing anything unhealthy.  I'm following the plan exactly like they want you to.  I'm eating my fruits and vegetables, my good fats, whole grains and drinking my water.  About the only thing I have a hard time doing is getting in my milk.  I'm just not a milk drinker and unless I eat yogurt or cheese....I more than likely don't get those servings in.

After this little "announcement" from WW, I'm somewhat worried.  I don't want to finally start losing weight and then suddenly have a heart attack.  But at the same time....my GOAL is to lose weight!  The bottom line is that obviously, I'm burning more calories than I'm taking in.  For anyone who is overweight....this is a GOOD thing!  Now, I'm second guessing myself.

Should I contact Weight Watchers about this...or should I call my doctor?  Or, should I just forget it and continue doing what I'm doing?  Why?  Why do they do this to me when I'm finally making some progress?  It seems that even Weight Watchers is trying to sabotage me!  Who'd a thunk it?

Moving right along!

I had a good week!  I lost 3.2 lbs!  That put me over the 15 lb mark!  Actually, that's 17.6 total!  I am thrilled!  I worried all week, even to the point of breaking my own rule of stepping on the scale at home.  It's funny how my body works.  Last week, I was meticulous at journaling everything and eating on plan everyday....and I only lost 1.6 lbs.  However, this week, I lost twice that, even though I chowed down on some deep fried oreos at the local farmer's market!  Let me tell you, those suckers were worth EVERY BIT of the 12 points they cost me!  You have GOT to try them!  This particular vendor also deep fries Twinkies (ew) and Snickers Bars!  Don't freak out....I just stuck to the deep fried oreos covered in powdered sugar!  The way I figure it, you have to eat the things you like crave need like some of the time!

In other news, I have not kept up my commitment to walk 30 minutes, 3 times per week.  I'm finding it way too hot to be outside for very long.  In addition, school has started which means that my work schedule has changed.  I now work 4 days a week and so there is just less time.  However, I have just recently been introduced to Just Dance for the Wii!  Have you ever done this?  If you haven't (and you have a Wii), you really need to try this!  It is fun and it's exercise!  I really work up a sweat when we play!  This is my new favorite activity!  This I can do in my nice air-conditioned home!

That's it for this week!  Here's hoping I can break 20 lbs next week!



Snag!

It hit a small bump in the road today.  I went to Quizno's for dinner.  It was a spur of the moment thing.  I had to run to Staples to get something laminated and it's just right next door.  It was almost 6pm and I hadn't eaten yet.  I ordered a "Classic Club" on whole wheat.  It had lots of tomatoes and lettuce....but I also had MAYO!  From what I have been able to gather...that sucker was worth about 10 points!  Not as much as I thought!  I also had a bag of Baked Lays.  Plus, I had a couple of bites of Amelia's sandwich that she didn't finish.  Still, it looks like I have about 9 points left for the day!

I feel so guilty....almost like I've done something naughty.  I've been so careful about eating only healthy things.  This was definitely not the healthiest meal.  Still, I logged it and I've fessed up!

The weight is not coming off as fast as I'd like.  I broke my own vow and stepped on my bathroom scale today.  There is about 2 lbs difference between what I weigh at Weight Watchers and what I weigh at home.  I would feel such relief if I could break through into the 270's.  I'm teetering right on the edge.  The scale is taunting me.  I want it so bad...I can' taste it!  And then, I went and had QUIZNO's tonight!  What a dummy!

I will stick to fruits, vegetables and protein over the weekend.  Hopefully this will help me get to my goal on Monday.  Once I hit 279 or lower, I will make my next goal the 260's!  This way, I'm only focusing on 10 lbs at a time.  I never thought I'd be looking forward to 279!

Bittersweet!

I once lost 52 pounds with Weight Watchers!  This was about 6 years ago.  I remember that I weighed 252 lbs at the time and I got down to 200!  Part of this was because of the wonderful Weight Watcher's leader...Karen.  She was awesome!  For one thing, she was a Catholic!  I knew this because one night at a meeting, she brought a calendar as a prop for her lecture.  Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was a liturgical calendar.  After the meeting, she and I chatted and she shared they she and her family attended a parish several miles away.  She truly was instrumental in my weight loss.  Karen was strong and sensitive.  She was kind and firm.  She was understanding and refreshing.  She always smiled and always remembered my name.  She cheered me on when I had successes and encouraged me when I didn't do so well.  A very special lady.  She retired a few years ago...after 25 years with Weight Watchers!

I don't have that same connection with my current leader.  Right now, I don't have much choice as to what meeting I attend so I'm somewhat stuck.  Angela is a very sweet person, but we just don't click.  She is an elementary school teacher and, in some ways, she treats us like we are children.  The inflection in her voice is that of someone talking to a 5 year old.  Extremely irritating.

Anyway, I decided to see if I could find my old leader, Karen, on Facebook.  I figured, if nothing else, we could chat online or email back and forth.  For the life of me, I could not remember how to spell her last name.  So, I went to a favorite search engine (www.intelius.com) and plugged in her name. 
After some other searching, her obituary came up.  I was stunned.  Karen died suddenly about two weeks ago!  I can't believe it!  I'm so sad.

This is Karen's obituary.

That was the "bitter".  Here is the "sweet"....I lost 1.6 lbs this week!  That brings me to a total of 14.4 lbs!  I was slightly discouraged that it wasn't more, but I have to remember that Weight Watchers states the AVERAGE weight loss should be .5 to 2 lbs per week.  As long as it's not a gain, I'm good!

I didn't meet my commitment of walking for 30 minutes 3 days this week...but I did manage to walk one day for 30 minutes and then on Saturday, I did some vigorous house cleaning!  I mean, I ran around this house like a crazy woman changing sheets, folding laundry, cleaning out drawers and closets!  I still sit on my rear end a little too much, but I am getting better.

I've decided to start out this week with new energy and a new purpose!  I'm going to dedicate this blog and my weight loss journey to Karen's memory!  Because of Karen, I am more determined than ever to make it to Lifetime.  It may take me a few years....but I'm going to do it!

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace.  Amen.

Success!

My weigh-in stickers!

Well, I did it!  I lost another 3.2 lbs!  That makes 12.8 total!  I'm so happy!

Getting used to this Weight Watcher routine again has been a challenge, but, I did it!  I have been faithful to following the plan!   The only "slight" slip I had was Friday night.  Dan and I went out  (something we rarely do) for dinner.  We ended up at a Thai place not far from our house.  I did NOT log that meal, mostly because by the time I got home, I couldn't remember what the name of the dish was.  I know it involved chicken, rice and lots of coconut milk.  I was nervous that having that one meal would put me over the edge.

I remember my 8th grade teacher, Sister Madeline Carey, used to say..."You're going to get out of something what you're willing to put into it"!  This is so true!  I have been making a true effort everyday!  I'm trying to make healthier choices and I'm remembering to log everything I put into my mouth!  As a matter of fact, on Sunday I made some macaroni salad (with real Mayo).  I wanted some so bad but when I looked it up, it was 9 points for 3/4 of a cup!  No way was I going to waste 9 points on that. So, instead I just had a spoonful.  I counted that spoonful as 2 points...and moved on.  That was a victory for me!

Now that I have two weeks of weight loss under my belt, it's time to start thinking about the unthinkable....exercise!  I hate it, but I need to start figuring it in.  My friend Therese has been a true inspiration to me!  She is awesome!  Because of her, I've signed up to do the American Heart Association 5k coming up in September!  If you feel so inclined to sponsor me, please do, the link is on my sidebar.

My goal for this week is to walk for 30 minutes at least 3 times per week.  I'm not sure how this is going to play out as the weather is very hot and humid these days.  Hopefully, I can get my butt in gear either in the morning or in the early evening.  I will have to walk fast in order to out run the mosquitoes that hang out around my house!  I will keep you updated on my progress!

Thank you all for your support and encouragement, it's what keeps me going!

With each 5lb loss you get a sticker!