Not such a good idea!

I would just like to mention here, for the record, that watching "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" on the Food Network is probably NOT the best show to be watching when one is on Weight Watchers!  Just sayin'!

Struggles

I'm struggling today.  Losing weight takes so much effort and to be honest, I'm feeling a little resentful about it!  It takes a lot of time to plan out your eating for the day...calculate points, write everything down.

Keeping a food log is essential on the Weight Watcher program.  I try to follow the rules exactly in hopes that this will lead to success.  It is very tedious.  Especially since what I'd really like to do, is just eat and forget it!

I had 28 points left after lunch.  I made burgers (no buns), mac & cheese and fresh green beans  for dinner.  I had to weigh my turkey burgers and then I had to calculate the points for the mac & cheese.  The nutritional information on the box is for the DRY MIX!  Now, I don't know about you, but I don't eat mac & cheese right out of the box.  I like to cook mine first!  You have to add milk and butter (or margarine).  So, I spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out how many points one half of a cup of mac & cheese was with 1% milk and real butter!  By the time I measured out my portion and calculated out the points.....I didn't even want to eat it! 

After eating 2 turkey burgers (I was hungry!), the 1/2 cup of mac & cheese and a healthy portion of fresh steamed green beans mixed with olive oil and balsamic vinegar....I had 3 points left!  That was a 25 point dinner and it wasn't even worth it!

This is why I really wanted to do a "pre packaged" diet like Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem.  Because of all the preparation (planning,weighing and measuring and journaling), it makes me feel as though I'm thinking about food ALL DAY LONG!  And you know what...I am!

I've learned from my previous stints with Weight Watchers, that as time goes on I won't need to "think" so much as it will become more of a habit than a chore.  But right now, all I know is that I'm thinking about food way more than I want to.  I'm tired of thinking about food when I get up....when I get to work....when my stomach is making those weird sounds, when I get home....blah, blah, blah.

I'd like to eat like a normal person....just for awhile, to see what it's like.

Ok, I'm stunned!

I lost a total of 9.6 lbs this week!  Can you believe it?  Obviously, much of that weightloss was water, but I'll take it!  I'm thrilled with those numbers and it will definitely keep me motivated to continue!  I appreciate all your prayers and words of encouragement! 

I'm too tired to write much more tonight...we just got back from an over night trip to Kingsley Lake which means I'm exhausted and sunburned!  To be honest, I was quite free with my eating today but I still didn't reach my point allowance.  It's really important that I use all my points so I'm going to have to get better about planning.

Anyway, more good info coming up this week!

The New Plan

I'm trying to decide if Weight Watcher's decision to completely change the way you count points was a nutritional decision or a financial decision.  At this point, I'm guessing it was financial.  Thousands and thousands of people had all the materials they needed to count points and "do" Weight Watchers on their own and therefore, no longer having a need to become a member or go to the meetings.  Now that they've changed things up, everyone has to purchase all new materials and therefore increasing their revenue by a ton!

Previously, the point system was based on three things....calories, fat and fiber.  Typically, the higher the fiber content meant the points would be lower.  WW provided you with a cardboard "slide" that calculated the points based on the nutritional value of the food item.  Now, it's totally different.  The Points Plus program is  calculated using fat, carbs, fiber and protein.  This means that you can't use the slide anymore.  Instead, they encourage you to purchase a points calculator or use their e-tools that they provide on their website.   In addition, all of the points books, dining out companion and restaurant guides are now obsolete. 

I'm still trying to get used to this new system.  For instance, before the change, pretty much every food item had a point value.  Now, most fruits and vegetables are ZERO points!  I'm used to a large banana being 3 points...now it's no points.  This is playing with my mind!  I always thought that most fruit had a very high sugar content and while it's healthy to eat several servings a day, I assumed you shouldn't go hog wild because it can cause your pancreas to do flips! 

I'm not feeling deprived at all.  I get a total of 43 points per day and I can earn more points if I exercise.  I'm also allowed an additional 49 points for the entire week (basically 7 extra points each day)!  I could eat all of those extra points in one day or spread them out.  Either way, it seems like A LOT of points to me.

So far this week I have logged every single thing I've put in my mouth, including a McDonald's lunch on Tuesday and a slice of Sbarro's pizza tonight!  I've stayed within my point allowance each day!  I've poured tons of water down my throat and have begun to really limit the amount of diet coke I ingest.  Tonight, we took the kids to the mall (it's so hot here!) and played indoor miniature golf!  Then we walked to JC Penney's, Sears and Dillard's looking for school shoes for the kids.  We were unsuccessful with the shoes, but I managed to get some exercise in walking at a pretty brisk pace for at least 30 minutes.  If you want to know the truth, I feel pretty good.  I haven't had to use my inhaler for about 36 hours and I haven't coughed as much.  I think it's because I'm keeping myself better hydrated...and I'm moving more.

These are very small baby steps, but I'll take what I can get!  I'm actually looking forward to weigh-in on Monday night.  Who's with me?

First Meeting

Well, I made it to my first Weight Watcher meeting last night.  The sign up process was quick for a couple of reasons...first, I'm already in their computer from all the other attempts I've made and second, I already signed up for the Monthly Pass online.  It all went smoothly.

It seems like a good group of people.  I'm not sure about the leader yet.  I can't really tell if English is her first language or not.  There seems to be a slight accent there.  She kept pronouncing the word "essentials" as "essentuals".  For whatever reason, that struck me as funny.  She knows her stuff though and seems to be a good motivator.

The weigh in went OK.  That's always the hardest part for me.  When I step on the scale, I'm forced to face all of my emotional food demons.  I'm forced to realize that this is a very serious situation and if I don't do something now, I will die.

So, now is the time to share with the world what I'm fighting against.  Here is the particulars:

Height:  5'8
Weight:  294.5
Dress Size:  24
Shirt Size:  3X
Pants Size:  24

There it is.  All of it.  That's everything I've been hiding for all of these years.  Now everyone knows that I can't shop in a regular store.  Now everyone will know that I couldn't ride the Harry Potter ride a few weeks ago when our family went to Universal.  I was too fat.  Now, everyone will know that on two of the four flights that I took in May to go to Rome, I had to use a seat belt extension.  Now...everybody knows.
This is humiliating.  But I HAD to share this.

I know that I'll never be thin.  I just want to be at a place where I can buy clothes in a normal store.  I want to be able to fly and ride amusement park rides without the worry of being turned away.  I want to be able to walk around in public and not have strangers notice me because of my weight.  I don't want my kids to be teased because of me.  I just want food to stop being an obsession.

I think it's also important to share some photos of me.  These first couple of pictures are of me in my early adulthood.  I wanted you to be able to see that there is a thinner person within me and that I used to look normal......

This is me at about 18 years old.  I had NO stomach and look at those small arms.

This was me at about 19 or 20 at a friends wedding.  Although the stripes don't do me any justice...I had a very small waist....and only one chin.

This is me in the late 80's.  Still looking pretty slender and still only one chin.  This is where my emotional eating began.

This, of course, is my high school graduation picture.

This is my wedding picture...1997.

September 2001, my son was a year old.  Getting bigger.....

2005, after my second child was a year old.

Easter 2006

Going through chemo, 2008

January 2009 at Walt Disney World with Nathan (still no hair).

December 2009

February 2010...always hiding behind someone

Great Smokey Mountains, August 2010

January 2011, Universal

This is me and my best friend Becky on our way to Rome, May 2011

So there you have it.  This is me.  This is me at almost 300 pounds.  How did I ever get to this place?

My goal is to reach 200 lbs....that means I need to lose almost 96 pounds.  It almost sounds impossible.  But I'm going to stick with it and see where this goes.

I'm going to do my best NOT to weight myself at home.  Curiosity will probably kill me, but I'm really going to resist the need to weight everyday.  I will post my weight loss (or gain) every week.  I won't bore you with my menu plans or points for the day, except if I find a really good recipe I think is worth sharing.  I will share my struggles and successes as well as thoughts about the Weight Watcher program.  I will also post a picture of me monthly!  Let's hope each month, you will see less and less of me.

Thank you for your support!

A Decision

Well, I've been mulling my options over now for several weeks.  I even sent a letter to the various CEO's of Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and Medifast asking if there were any "scholarships" available.  They blew me off...at least in the sense that they didn't even give me the courtesy of a response.  So I guess, that means NO!  I figured as much.

In light of all of that, I guess it's Weight Watchers again!  Sigh.  Let's see, this has to be at least the 7th or 8th time that I've officially done WW.  We're old friends.  This was not my first choice this time, never the less, Weight Watchers it will be.

Tomorrow, being a Monday, will be my start date.  I'm actually going to join and attend the meetings.  I guess they have this new Points Plus system and so I'll need to get all the details about it.  The old system worked fine for me before, but I'm told that this new way is better and more healthy.  We shall see.

Once I get my official weigh in numbers, I will share them here with you all.  I will also share a "before" picture.  This is new for me.  I've never posted a current picture of me in any of my blogs...or even Facebook for that matter.  However, it's time that I get real with myself...and with the world.

So, tomorrow it is.  See you then.